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Courtesy of:

John H. Keefe III, D.C.

(918) 663-1111

 Dr Keefe, Keefe Clinic, Natural Health Care, Tulsa Chiropractor, Diet, Pain,

IN THE NEWS: Britain's worst hypochondriac, 61, is banned from every hospital in the country after costing the NHS thousands by faking illnesses including Ebola and AIDS Britain's worst hypochondriac who has previously been banned from every hospital in the country after faking various illnesses including Ebola has been caught out again. Christopher Dearlove, 61, assumed 98 aliases, gave 47 dates of birth and faked symptoms to get treatment and a bed at health centres nationwide. He was slapped with an ASBO (An anti-social behaviour order) in 2010 banning him from using the NHS unless genuinely in need of medical attention but has since breached it dozens of times. Most recently he turned up at Yeovil District Hospital in Somerset in February and said he was ill and 'had been receiving treatment at another hospital'. But staff saw through the ruse and he admitted breaching his ASBO at Taunton Crown Court today. The ban came after the courts heard he cost the health service tens of thousands by faking illnesses, which each admission costing NHS trusts up to £1,000. (1283.89 US Dollar)

WELLNESS: The secret to surviving a heart attack? Eating plenty of salmon, pecans and vegetable oils 'lowers chances of dying' Oily fish like mackerel, salmon and sardines have high levels of omega-3, Some nuts, seeds and oils contain high levels of plant-based equivalent, Study looked at research based on more than 45,000 patients globally. These foods reduce inflammation in the body which is the latest scientific understanding for heart disease. The cholesterol theory for heart disease has never once been proven through scientific studies in the past 50 years. Unfortunately sometimes politics and fraud produce practices that takes years to expose and change. If you’re taking drugs for cholesterol your shortening your life span. Change your diet and lifestyle and you can substantially reduce your likelihood of having a heart attack. Note: Ask for list of anti-inflammatory foods.

CHIROPRACTIC: One in Three Deaths from Cardiovascular Disease is Preventable About one in every three deaths in the US is attributed to cardiovascular disease, which includes heart attacks and stroke. About 800,000 Americans die from cardiovascular disease annually. A quarter of these deaths could be prevented through simple lifestyle changes such as maintaining a healthy weight, exercising, and managing your diabetes. Your diet is your primary and best tool for the prevention of inflammation that can lead to cardiovascular diseases. Reducing sugars/fructose and grains in your diet is a critical measure to reduce your cardiovascular risk. Compelling research suggests that vitamin D deficiency, combined with cholesterol deficiency, may be at the heart of the cardiovascular disease phenomenon. Guidelines that will help reduce chronic inflammation and protect against heart disease are included. This includes specific dietary measures, exercise, sun exposure, grounding and much more. Studies show that most medical approaches don't extend life as much is reports would indicate. Balloons, stents and bypass surgery come with several complications. Chiropractic adjustments help balance the parasympathetic and sympathetic nervous system which is crucial to heart health. Targeted nutrients to the blood vessels that surround the heart can cause dramatic improvement in short periods of time. Following your body type diet with emphasis on anti-inflammatory foods and balancing the body's pH can take a surgical heart condition and turn it into a healthy heart in the matter of weeks.

Dr Keefe, Keefe Clinic, Natural Health Care, Tulsa Chiropractor, Diet, Pain,

FUNNY BONE: I remember once when my dad gave me money to pay the electricity bill but instead I bought a raffle ticket for a brand new car. When I got home, I explained to my dad what I did and he beat the crap out of me. But the next day, when my dad woke up and opened the door, outside my house was a brand new car. We all cried especially me, because the car was from the electricity company, they were there to cut off the electricity, my dad beat the crap out of me again@@ Q: What do you call having your grandma on speed dial? A: Instagram. @@ When butterflies are in love, do they feel human’s in their stomach?@@

Visit our web site: keefeclinic.com or faceebook/keefeclinic.com

Diet sodas may be tied to stroke, dementia risk

 Dr. Keefe, Keefe Clinic. Tulsa Chiropractor, pain, natural health care.

 

(CNN)Gulping down an artificially sweetened beverage not only may be associated with health risks for your body, but also possibly your brain, a new study suggests.

Artificially sweetened drinks, such as diet sodas, were tied to a higher risk of stroke and dementia in the study, which published in the American Heart Association's journal Stroke on Thursday.

The study sheds light only on an association, as the researchers were unable to determine an actual cause-and-effect relationship between sipping artificially sweetened drinks and an increased risk for stroke and dementia. Therefore, some experts caution that the findings should be interpreted carefully.

No connection was found between those health risks and other sugary beverages, such as sugar-sweetened sodas, fruit juice and fruit drinks.

Are diet sodas dangerous to your health?

"We have little data on the health effects of diet drinks and this is problematic because diet drinks are popular amongst the general population," said Matthew Pase, a senior research fellow in the department of neurology at Boston University School of Medicine and lead author of the new study.

"More research is needed to study the health effects of diet drinks so that consumers can make informed choices concerning their health," he said.

The new study involved data on 2,888 adults older than 45 and 1,484 adults older than 60 from the town of Framingham, Massachusetts. The data came from the Framingham Heart Study, a project of the National Heart, Lung, and Blood Institute and Boston University.

In the older-than-45 group, the researchers measured for stroke and in the older-than-60 group, they measured for dementia.

"The sample sizes are different because we studied people of different ages," Pase said. "Dementia is rare in people under the age of 60 and so we focused only on those aged over 60 years for dementia. Similarly, stroke is rare in people aged under 45 and so we focused on people older than age 45 for stroke."

Dr. Keefe, Keefe Clinic. Tulsa Chiropractor, pain, natural health care.

The researchers analyzed how many sugary beverages and artificially sweetened soft drinks each person in the two different age groups drank, at different time points, between 1991 and 2001. Then, they compared that with how many people suffered stroke or dementia over the next 10 years.

Compared to never drinking artificially sweetened soft drinks, those who drank one a day were almost three times as likely to have an ischemic stroke, caused by blocked blood vessels, the researchers found.

They also found that those who drank one a day were nearly three times as likely to be diagnosed with dementia.

Those who drank one to six artificially sweetened beverages a week were 2.6 times as likely to experience an ischemic stroke but were no more likely to develop dementia, Pase said.

"So, it was not surprising to see that diet soda intake was associated with stroke and dementia. I was surprised that sugary beverage intake was not associated with either the risks of stroke or dementia because sugary beverages are known to be unhealthy," Pase said.

Dr. Keefe, Keefe Clinic. Tulsa Chiropractor, pain, natural health care.

In response, Lauren Kane, a spokeswoman for the American Beverage Association, issued a statement from the group that said low-calorie sweeteners found in beverages have been proven safe by worldwide government safety authorities.

"The FDA, World Health Organization, European Food Safety Authority and others have extensively reviewed low-calorie sweeteners and have all reached the same conclusion -- they are safe for consumption," the statement said.

"While we respect the mission of these organizations to help prevent conditions like stroke and dementia, the authors of this study acknowledge that their conclusions do not -- and cannot -- prove cause and effect. And according to the National Institutes of Health (NIH), many risk factors can increase an individual's likelihood of developing stroke and dementia including age, hypertension, diabetes and genetics. NIH does not mention zero calorie sweeteners as a risk factor," the statement said. "America's beverage companies support and encourage balanced lifestyles by providing people with a range of beverage choices — with and without calories and sugar — so they can choose the beverage that is right for them."

That sweet drink may age you

Dr. Keefe, Keefe Clinic. Tulsa Chiropractor, pain, natural health care.

Separate previous studies have shown an association between the intake of sugar-sweetened beverages and adverse health effects, such as type 2 diabetesobesityheart diseasestroke, and possibly even heart failure.

"This article provides further evidence though on artificially sweetened beverages and their possible effects on vascular health, including stroke and dementia," said Dr. Ralph Sacco, professor and chair of neurology at the University of Miami Miller School of Medicine, about the new study.

Sacco was a co-author of an editorial published alongside the study in the journal Stroke on Thursday.

"We believe the pathways of which artificially sweetened beverages would affect the brain are probably through vascular mechanisms," Sacco said.

Dr Keefe, Keefe Clinic, Natural Health Care, Tulsa Chiropractor, Diet, Pain,

"When the authors controlled for hypertension and diabetes and obesity the effects diminish, which implies that some of the effects of artificially sweetened beverages could still be going through a vascular pathway," he said about the new study. "Many strokes are caused by hardening of arteries; and the risk of dementia is also increased by the hardening of arteries in large and small vessels. So, I believe the mechanisms may be through vascular disease, though we can't prove it."

Heather Snyder, senior director of medical and scientific operations at the Alzheimer's Association, called the new study "a piece of a larger puzzle" when it comes to better understanding how your diet and behaviors impact your brain.

"It's actually really more of your overall diet and overall lifestyle that is linked to cardiovascular disease and diabetes risk, and we do know that heart disease and diabetes are linked to an increased risk of dementia," said Snyder, who was not involved in the new study.

 

"We know that sugary and artificially sweetened beverages are not great for us. This study adds strength to that, and also says they may not be great for your brain, specifically," she said. "There are alternatives -- things we can all do everyday to keep our brains and our bodies as healthy as we can as we age." Alternatives such as regular cardiovascular exercise that elevates heart rate and increases blood flow and doing puzzles and games to activate and challenge the mind. These are recommendations from the Alzheimer's Associations list of 10 lifestyle habits to reduce risk of cognitive decline.

 

 

Courtesy of:

John H. Keefe III, D.C.

(918) 663-1111

IN THE NEWS: The science behind why chocolate and peanut butter make an irresistible match Raise your hand if you've ever wolfed down several mini chocolate peanut butter cups in a drug-like trance. One bite and you're smitten — the chocolate hits your taste buds and your brain's pleasure centers light up like a Christmas tree. You can't stop yourself from eating more and more peanut butter cups to make the feeling last a little longer. Chocolate and peanut butter are powerful partners in crime that can hijack willpower — fast. From Reese's candies to Tagalong Girl Scout cookies to buckeyes, some of the most beloved candies feature the two flavor co-conspirators. Together, chocolate and peanut butter are somehow even more magnificent than they are when eaten solo. All of this made us wonder — why do chocolate and peanut butter taste so dang heavenly when mixed together? Here's what we found out. Here's why you're obsessed with chocolate and peanut butter The pleasing taste of biting into a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup is partially thanks to a phenomenon called "dynamic sensory contrast," Gregory Ziegler, a Penn State University professor of food science who studies chocolate, said in a phone interview. Ziegler explained that our taste buds love when foods have contrasting textures. "The smooth melt of the chocolate and the crunch of the nut pieces" provide a pleasing contrast, Ziegler noted. The sensual sensation sometimes causes us to eat more — so you can thank dynamic sensory contrast the next time you inhale a dozen mini peanut butter cups in one sitting. Dynamic sensory contrast is also known as the "ice cream effect," Ziegler said. "The idea was, why do people still have room for ice cream [after a huge dinner]?"  Even when people report they are extremely full, they often manage to make room for ice cream because our taste buds crave that sensation — when cold ice cream changes its texture as it hits the warmth of your mouth, Ziegler noted. Similarly, chocolate also changes texture (by melting) when it's warmed by your mouth, which is why even chocolate without nuts or peanut butter can be irresistible to our taste buds, Ziegler said.

Dr Keefe, Keefe Clinic, Natural Health Care, Tulsa Chiropractor, Diet, Pain,

WELLNESS: Taking high dosages of statins raises the risk of developing diabetes in older women by 50%  Taking statins can increase the risk of developing diabetes for older women by more than 50 per cent, research shows. Higher dosages mean they are likelier to suffer the potentially fatal condition – in which blood sugar levels get too high. The controversial cholesterol-lowering drugs are used by around 12million Britons, but have been linked with side effects. Now, Australian scientists have carried out one of the first studies of its kind focusing on the effects of statins on more than 8,000 female pensioners. Taking statins can increase the risk of developing diabetes for older women by more than 50 per cent, research shows. Note: Medical practice concerning cholesterol was based on a fraudulent study over 50 years ago. Even though no one has been able to confirm that study after several tries the train has already left the station. It’s very difficult to change medical practice that’s been going on for many years. Even though there have been no successful cholesterol studies statins are still commonly prescribed for a condition that is caused by inflammation. Elevated cholesterol is a nutritional problem and needs to be addressed through diet, nutrition and lifestyle measures. Don’t risk your health taking dangerous and ill prescribed drugs seek solutions for your health problems.

Dr. Keefe, Keefe Clinic. Tulsa Chiropractor, pain, natural health care.

CONDITION OF THE WEEK: Disc problems: chiropractic versus steroid injections. The recent study comparing the effectiveness of chiropractic to a common practice of steroid injections from medical professionals have found chiropractic adjustments superior. Not only do the adjustments produce better outcome but there is significantly less side effects. What the study doesn’t cover is the difference between correcting the problem and suppressing the problem with drugs. When you have a disc problem you have an alignment problem in virtually all cases. Drugs cannot realign the spine. Even if the drug gave you symptomatic improvement the underlying issue is still present and disc damage is still progressing. When you correct the problem with adjustments, as you realign the vertebra you re-stabilize the disc which allows for normal healing. The difference in both approaches would not be fully realized until at least 5 to 10 years. At that point the continued deterioration would become obvious again under the drug therapy whereas the chiropractic approach, by fixing the problem, offers a better long-term outcome.

Dr Keefe, Keefe Clinic, Natural Health Care, Tulsa Chiropractor, Diet, Pain,

FUNNY BONES:  I wonder what Facebook employees do to waste their time at work?@@ Someone figured out my password. Now I have to rename my dog.@@ Anton, do you think I’m a bad mother? My name is Paul.@@ It’s ok to talk to yourself, it’s even ok to answer yourself.. But when you ask yourself to repeat what you just said- you have a problem!@@ Dear Google: They are only using you to get to me. Sincerely Wikipedia@@ Whatever you do always give 100% ….. Unless you are donating blood 🙂

 

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Courtesy of:

John H. Keefe III, D.C.

(918) 663-1111

 Dr. Keefe, Keefe Clinic. Tulsa Chiropractor, pain, natural health care.

IN THE NEWS: USING YOUR IPHONE, ANDROID AND KINDLE TO MONITOR YOUR HEALTH. QardioArm is a portable blood-pressure unit that allows you to check your blood pressure anytime. It helps keep track of your blood pressure by maintaining a history by location of each blood-pressure. QardioCore is the world’s first ECG monitor designed to provide continuous medical grade data while fitting your lifestyle. QardioCore is particularly suited for people with increased health risk caused by family predisposition, history of heart attacks or strokes, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, diabetes and excess weight. QardioBase Smart Scale is one of the best looking bathroom scales for your home, and one of the smartest. In addition to weight, Qardio App also tracks your BMI and full body composition changes over time so you can get to know your body better. QardioBase smart scale automatically and wirelessly syncs your measurements to your Qardio App. Simply step on the scale and QardioBase does the rest. Google Qardio.

Dr Keefe, Natural Health care, pain, Tulsa chiropractor,

WELLNESS: SIMPLE TOOLS TO MAINTAIN HEALTH IN A TOXIC WORLD. Maintaining health can be challenging in the world we live in. There are so many temptations to eat wrong, to maintain an inactive lifestyle as well as other poor health habits. The 1st thing we should look at is maintaining healthy function. Chiropractic adjustments help enhances function to every organ, part and system of body by reestablishing communication channels that have been blocked by misalignments. The next important principle is properly feeding the body the nutrients that it needs. There are different metabolism types that need to be addressed properly and that’s the principle of the “body type diet” system. Knowing your body type can go a long ways of maintaining proper nutritional and chemical balance. The next important thing is reducing inflammation in the body which again can be accomplished by targeting certain foods that put out the fire. There are certain powerful antioxidants in foods like pomegranate, blueberries etc. The next issue with inflammation is maintaining certain levels of EPA-DHA (fish oils) in your body to control inflammation. If your system is inflamed then most likely your urine pH is acidic. Drinking alkaline water will not only help with an acid pH but also enhances the next important step of detoxification. Our system can be overloaded with environmental toxins and toxins from internal metabolism that are not properly eliminated. Along with these types of toxins electromagnetic overload can also be an issue with your health. We offer multiple detox programs to help improve your body’s ecology. Simply drinking the right amount of water for your body weight goes a long ways of helping your body flush out toxins. Dehydration can be a source of many different health problems. Following these simple steps can eliminate many of the common diseases that our society is plagued with. You cannot drug yourself into better health because health is a “natural” process that is better served with natural healthcare. You are the one responsible for your own health but we can give you the direction to help you reach that goal.

Dr. Keefe, Keefe Clinic. Tulsa Chiropractor, pain, natural health care.

CHIROPRACTIC: WHAT ARE CERVICOGENIC HEADACHES? Headaches are a very common problem that can have multiple causes ranging from stress to trauma.  To make matters worse, there are MANY different types of headaches. One such type is the “cervicogenic headache” (others include migraines, cluster headaches, etc.). The main distinction between the symptoms associated with cervicogenic headaches and those associated with migraine headaches are a lack of nausea, vomiting, aura (a pre-headache warning that a headache is about to strike), light and noise sensitivity, increased tearing with red eyes, one-sided head, neck, shoulder, and/or arm pain, and dizziness. The items listed above are primarily found in migraine headache sufferers.   The following is a list of clinical characteristics common in those struggling with cervicogenic headaches: Unilateral (one-sided) head or face pain (rarely is it on both sides). Pain is localized or stays in one spot, usually the back of the head, frontal, temporal (side) or orbital (eye) regions. Moderate to severe pain intensity. Intermittent attacks of pain that last hours to days. Pain is usually deep, non-throbbing, unless migraines occur at the same time. Head pain is triggered by neck movement, sustained awkward head postures, applying deep pressure to the base of the skull or upper neck region, and/or taking a deep breath, cough or sneeze can trigger head pain. Limited neck motion with stiffness. Infrequently, the cervicogenic headache sufferer can present with migraines at the same time and have both presentations making it more challenging to diagnose. The cause of cervicogenic headaches can be obvious such as trauma (sports injury, whiplash, slip and fall), or not so obvious, like poor posture. A forward head posture can increase the relative weight applied to the back of the neck and upper back as much as 2x-4x normal. Last month, we discussed the intimate relationship between the upper two cervical vertebra (C1 & C2) and an anatomical connection to the covering of the spinal cord (the dura) as giving rise to cervicogenic headaches. In summary, the upper three nerves innervate the head and any pressure on those upper nerves can result in a cervicogenic headache. Doctors of chiropractic are trained to examine, identify, and treat these types of potentially debilitating headaches.

Dr Keefe, Keefe Clinic, Natural Health Care, Tulsa Chiropractor, Diet, Pain,

FUNNY BONE:  Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," says Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaims Daisy.@@ Went to the corner shop - bought 4 corners.

Military Pranks Are Scarier Than Bombs The military has a long, proud tradition of pranking recruits. Here are some favorites from rallypoint.com:

  • Instructed a private in the mess hall to look for left-handed spatulas
  • Sent a recruit to medical-supplies office in search of fallopian tubes
  • Had a new guy conduct a “boom test” on a howitzer by yelling “Boom!” down the tube in order to “calibrate” it
  • Ordered a private to bring back a five-gallon can of dehydrated water (in fact, the sergeant just wanted an empty water can)

 

Visit our web site: keefeclinic.com-ebook/keefeclinic.com

 

Courtesy of:

John H. Keefe III, D.C.

(918) 663-1111

IN THE NEWS: Evidence EPA Colluded With Monsanto to Dismiss Cancer Concerns Grows Stronger Emails obtained through the Freedom of Information Act (FOIA) shows an Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) official colluded with Monsanto to manipulate and prevent key investigations into glyphosate’s cancer-causing potential. Taxpayers’ money has essentially been used to help shield chemical companies from liability and obstruct consumers’ ability to prove damages. Emails also show EPA official stopped a glyphosate investigation by a Department of Health and Human Services office on Monsanto’s behalf — a feat he bragged should earn him a medal.

 

WELLNESS: The Grass Really Is Greener There are a number of reasons to seek out grass fed dairy products. For foodies, the seasonal variations in flavor are a huge draw. For the health-conscious, milk from cows raised primarily on pasture has been shown to be higher in many nutrients, including vitamin E, beta-carotene and the healthy fats omega-3 and conjugated linoleic acid (CLA). On an environmental level, grass fed dairy has a considerably reduced footprint compared to the way most dairy is produced using concentrated animal feeding operations (CAFOs). When cows eat grass, it's a closed-loop system that, as Maple Hill Creamery put it, "bypasses the considerable resources used to produce the [genetically engineered] corn, soybeans or grains to feed dairy cows." Farms producing grass fed dairy products are able to naturally regenerate the soil and maintain ecological balance without relying on chemical fertilizers and pesticides. And on an ethical level, cows are designed to eat grass. When they eat corn and grain, not only does the quality of their milk degrade but they live in a state of chronic inflammation, which increases their risk of infection and disease. More than half of the world’s calories (close to 60 percent) come from wheat, rice and corn, which is not only unhealthy but unsustainable. Conventionally farmed land can be converted to a healthy, thriving farm based on regenerative methods, including grazing cows on natural grasslands. The American Grassfed Association (AGA) recently introduced much-needed grass fed standards and certification for American-grown grass fed dairy, which will allow for greater transparency and conformity.

Dr. Keefe, Keefe Clinic. Tulsa Chiropractor, pain, natural health care.

CONDITION OF THE WEEK: Balance & Dizziness  Many people seek chiropractic care for low back, mid-back, neck pain, and pain in the extremities, but what about balance and/or dizziness, as they often go together? Can chiropractic management help people suffering from frequent falls due to balance and/or dizziness problems? Let’s take a look! When considering treatment for balance, we must talk about the “proprioceptive system.” The way the body “communicates” between all the various body parts is by proprioceptors—which are located in skeletal muscles and joint capsules—that relay information to the brain. This information from the various body parts is then integrated with incoming information from the vestibular system (inner ear). The brain also relies heavily on the cerebellum located in the back of the head, which is largely responsible for coordinating the unconscious (automatic) aspects of proprioception. The ability to maintain balance, such as when standing on one leg (eyes open and closed), is dependent on the ability for the ALL THREE of these systems to work properly, and like any other skill, “…practice makes perfect!” Please try standing on one leg and then shut your eyes. Can you feel your ankle, foot, leg, and the rest of your body struggle to keep you balanced? For those of us under age 60, it’s “normal” to be able to balance on one foot with eyes closed for 25 seconds (or 10 and 4 seconds if you are between 60-69 or, 70-79 years old, respectively)! Scary, isn’t it? But don’t feel bad, as most of us can’t do this at first. With practice and the right exercises, you will be able to do it. Your “kinesthetic sense” CAN BE improved, and your doctor of chiropractic can guide you in the process. So, how does dizziness fit into this picture? Let’s talk about the ear! Our ears have two jobs: hearing and balance. The outer ear catches sound and funnels it to the eardrum which vibrates and moves three little bones that transmit the information to the cochlea and finally to the brain allowing us to hear sound. Deep inside the ear is the “vestibular apparatus,” which is the organ of equilibrium that assists in balance. Here, three semi-circular canals are filled with fluid and two sac-like structures located at the base called the utricule and saccule. The fluid in the canals flows past little hair-like structures that are connected to nerves that relay information to the brain, telling it where we are in space (horizontal—laying down, vertical—standing) and if we’re moving forwards/accelerating or moving up/down (like in an elevator). There are little tiny “stones” in these two sacs that move the little hair-like structures but they can dislodge into the canal and alter the flow of fluid (like a rock sticking out of a flowing river creating eddy currents), which alters the direction the little hairs bend, resulting in vertigo or dizziness as the brain is receiving conflicting information from the hairs bending in multiple/different directions. This is called “BPPV” (benign paroxysmal positional vertigo), which is brief episodes of vertigo immediately following a change in head position such as rolling over in bed, getting up from sitting or laying, etc. This is the most common cause of vertigo. If you Google “BPPV,” you will find different exercises that can move these little stones back into position (Brandt-Daroff and Epley’s maneuver), both of which work well often within a day or two. This is a good place to start, and if the balance/dizziness (vertigo) doesn’t improve, then you should consider other possibilities such as inner ear inflammation or acute vestibular neuritis, Meniere’s disease, vestibular migraine, acoustic neuroma, blood pressure issues, medication side effects, and more. Your chiropractor can teach you the BPPV exercises and perform cervical adjustments, which can also help significantly.

Dr Keefe, Keefe Clinic, Natural Health Care, Tulsa Chiropractor, Diet, Pain,

FUNNY BONE: ''I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it, it was a shitzu.''@@ A classic Tommy Cooper gag ''I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?'' He said, ''How flexible are you?'' I said, ''I can't make Tuesdays'',@@ My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well, I was amazed, I never knew they worked.@@  I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth. It took him two hours to pass me the salt.@@ I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said ''may contain nuts.'' Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for! You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!''  @@ A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and announces: ''I'm looking for the man who shot my paw.''

 

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